Dear Mom and Dad,
I have to tell you something about myself, but I'm afraid of what your reaction will be. I'm afraid you will feel disappointed, angry, frightened, guilty, and ashamed. So, instead of telling you, I'm writing this letter, hoping that by the time we talk, these emotions will have played out, and we can discuss this issue meaningfully.
I self-injure. There, I said it. Now I have to try to get you to understand what self-injury is about, and why I do it.
Emotionally speaking, self-injury (SI) is a way to deal with painful emotions. I have difficulty facing up to painful issues and expressing emotions related to them. It's easier for me to deal with physical pain than emotional pain. SI is a stress-coping mechanism. Maybe that doesn't make sense to you, but when I SI, the stress I feel is released. Right now, I don't know any other way of relieving stress. It's important that you don't force me to stop SI'ing until I learn how to release these emotions in a healthy way.
Physically speaking, SI is related to depression. It's caused by the same chemical imbalance that causes depression. There's a biochemical called seratonin which is used by the brain to balance emotions. In people who SI and people with depression, the seratonin levels are lowered, because other cells in the body mistakenly absorb the chemical. If it helps, think of SI as a physiological condition which is not under my control.
The reason I'm telling you this is that I really need your support, encouragement, and unconditional love. You may feel repulsed by the fact that I self-injure. Please don't let it change your opinion of me. I'm still a human being with hopes, dreams, ideas, and feelings. I'm not broken or damaged, so you don't have to try and fix me. Recovering from SI is an extremely slow process. I hope that you're able to be patient with me. I do want to recover, but you cannot force me to do so. Right now, SI is the only way I have of relieving stress. If you try to make me stop, the stress will build up inside me, causing emotional damage.
There are some things you can do to help me. Don't avoid the subject, but don't obsess on it either. SI does not define me. Be available when I need to talk, but respect my privacy, too. Please don't stop being affectionate. I need your love now more than ever. There may be a time when I'm ready to seek professional help, but please don't force me to. No one can help me until I'm ready to help myself. Please don't treat me as if I'm breakable. Try to understand that, when I'm moody, I'm trying to find ways of expressing emotions that are extremely painful for me. Lastly, be informed about SI. I am not abnormal or crazy. I simply have trouble dealing with stress. I am not suicidal; I don't want to die, I just want my life to improve. Help me to deal with the underlying issues, with the reasons I self-injure. It will be a painful, difficult process for us all.
Please do not feel as if my condition is your fault. As parents, you could not have done anything to prevent this. The fact that I SI does not make you failures as parents. And please don't be angry with me. I do not SI from choice, but from necessity. Most of all, please don't be ashamed of me. I'm still your son/daughter. If I didn't love and respect you, I wouldn't be telling you this.
I truly hope that this situation will bring us closer as a family. Remember, you're the parents and I'm the child here. I need your guidance, love, support, and encouragement.
With this letter, you might want to include some info on SI. There are many websites on SI hosted by respectable medical associations. Give your parents the letter and info at a time when you'll be leaving the house for awhile (like for school or work). That way, they'll have time to digest all the information, and get through their own emotions so they can better help you deal with yours.
This approach might not work for everyone, and I'm not promising miracles. But, I found that, once I was informed about SI, I could deal with it much better. Sending you all
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