17 replies to this topic

[Sarah77]

I'm finally trying to stop self harming...once my current cuts heal, I'm going to stop hiding all the scars, because I figure once everyone has seen them and known that I've done it, I don't want to still be doing it. If someone asks, I want to be able to say "I've stopped". I'm just hoping I can last until then.

I'm kind of scared though. Like I don't want people looking at me and only seeing my scars, or feeling uncomfortable, or whatever. But I don't want to hide. And I'm afraid of my parents' reaction--they know I've done it, but they won't know how bad it's gotten, and Im afraid they'll MAKE me hide my scars, or try and get rid of them. And I kind of need them there, to feel like I don'thave to make more.

[rainyluv]

Thats a brave choice. If you feel that ur ready for sure go for it but just be sure because its something you cant take back . Best of luck

Btw dont let your parents make you do anything its your life live it the way u wanna

[Anger-Released]

Very brave indeed.

If i may intercede with the following. It was my own experiance that external factors rarely provided sufficicient motivation to change my own internal factors. By all means rock your scars, but be aware of the possible triggers. You already have an idea of some of the things to expect from your own family and possibly strangers. Just mentally prepare yourself. I know when i wear t shirts and am on the subway/bus etc with a out stretched arm during rush hour i often " catch " people glimpsing at me. I just tell myself they reaaally love my watch lol.

[Sarah77]

Thanks guys, and yeah, I feel like it's highly probable that if I really want to relapse, I'll do it, but it helps keep me thinking that I don't WANT to, which has been a mindset that I've been unable to get myself into. But whether I stop for good because of this or not, someday, if I don't want to do it for the rest of my life, I'll have to show my scars, right? I don't want to hide forever.

[RaeRae]

It was my own experiance that external factors rarely provided sufficicient motivation to change my own internal factors. By all means rock your scars, but be aware of the possible triggers.

Ditto this. I haven't actively self-injured in over five years(!) and I still sometimes find myself uncomfortable with showing my wrists in public. If I forgot a bracelet and I go to work, I feel awkward pretty much all day. On the other hand, if I'm just out and about running errands, I typically won't care to wear anything on them. The thing is, you can get caught off-guard when you least expect and I think taking it slow might be a good idea. Like try going out to store where you won't expect to meet anyone you know- hanging out at a Barnes and Noble for a few hours can be a nice way to break into the feeling of your own skin and scars (if that makes any sense.) Good luck, it is a big step! Just be careful not to set yourself up to fail, you know what I mean? That will make the whole experiment do more harm than good.

[NessMonster]

I think it's good that you don't want to hide anymore. In the end though when it comes down to it, it won't be the thing that stops you from self harming, you have to be ready to do that. But not hiding allowed me to feel better about myself, it allowed me to educate those that wouldn't to understand the behaviour and you find the people who are worth your time and energy, because those are the people that even when your scars are shown don't see you any different from than before. As for the others, the people who stare, the people who judge, they are beyond my effort and I figure that their ignorance is something I don't want in my life.

[Sarah77]

I've taken walks with scars showing before, because I don't really see people I know around my neighborhood, and that never bothers me. And I've shown at the gym before, and no one even noticed. Most people that I'm around I've tried to forewarn, so that they won't feel uncomfortable, and they don't even seem to care...which kind of hurts, but at least they won't freak out. @Nessmonster, yeah, that's what I feel like, it'll be a nice way to tell who can accept me even with my problems out in the open, or more my past, which is good for me--I don't make friends easy, so if someone talks to me, I tend to like them even if they're not the best for me. One of my friends who self harms and has shown her scars before is going to do it again the day that I do, so that we can support each other.
Thanks everyone, yeah I do understand that it won't MAKE me stop, but I feel like the outside pressure might at least help me keep my mindset, although I can't imagine it doing anything when I have the urges...but I've managed 8 days so far, urges and all.

[ginblossoms]

Seriously so brave, I still find it hard to have my arms out in public but I figured it's something from they past and I'm not walking around with fresh cuts.
Well done though babe, it's a big step.

[Sarah77]

Thank you, your support means a lot, especially when I'm still in the struggle to keep my resolution.

[Sarah77]

Never mind, relapse. I give up. But thanks so much everyone

[Anger-Released]

As with everything in life, The harder it is to do the more it is worth doing. You will get their.

[Jaded Sky]

Props to you for taking that step and deciding to show your scars. It's difficult and I wish you the best of luck... just know that people will stare and then suddenly try not to be obvious about their looking at your arms. I think a lot of people don't know what's up with the scarring and just assume you were in some kind of accident. I always assume they just don't know how to ask about what happened....and that line of thinking makes me feel better.

Anyway, I'm glad you are being so brave.

[NessMonster]

Relapses happens and it's hard not to feel disheartened by them...but you have to accept them and decide to get back up and try again. Trying to stop takes relapses, it takes frustration, it takes making steps forwards and then falling back. The point is that no matter how tempting it may seem you don't just say screw it and walk away from it entirely.

[Jaded Sky]

What Ness said is right. You can work through the relapse and move forward. I know it's difficult, but once you get used to showing your scars, you are going to love being able to buy certain outfilts you wouldn't normally have chosen. Hang in there....one day at a time...

In fact, let me know when you decide to wear short sleeves and I will do it with you. My psych is working on getting me to stop wearing long sleeves right now....it's been really hot this summer...maybe it will be easier if we both know that someone else is doing the same thing at the same time.

[Sarah77]

Thank you all so much. I cut some more today, but not that badly because I threw away all my sharp blades and luckily, if I can't do it bad enough, I won't want to do it, so I'm going to try again.
Jaded Sky, that's a great idea, it just might be a little while before I'm healed enough to do it, so I don't want to make you wait, especially if I fail again. But having support definitely would make it easier for both of us, I think

[Jaded Sky]

I don't mind waiting. And remember, as long as you are trying, you haven't failed at all. I still have a hard time too. I caved last night, so I'm in the same boat. So let me know...we can do this! Things are always easier when done together.

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[sunspots_on_raindrops]

when i first stopped hiding, ii thought the whole worlds attention was on me, and it wasn't


take baby step. walking around the block, then maybe a favorite store progressing up to things like the mall. don't set yourself up to be uncomfortable because that can be a trigger too.


i wish you all the luck in the world. i also recently decided i wanted to quit for good and i also know if i wanted to i could go back, the thing that keeps me strong is my love for my husband, i think about how it has hurt him everytime i've done that and it's unfair for him to have to see them and have it affect our relationship.

[SilenTears]

First off, I want to say that I'm very proud of you for deciding to stop harming yourself. That's a brave and difficult choice to make.

It's all about doing what's comfortable to you. If you're even a tiny bit unsure about showing your scars, don't. You want to be completely comfortable with it. I also think it's a good idea to have some come backs in mind if people ask. They can be funny, too. I think if they're really funny or random, it can kinda help to change the topic and lighten up the mood a little bit.

I have decided to wear skirts and short sleeves now and I'm totally comfortable with it. Given, I don't know how severe or noticeable your scars are, but that can definitely influence how comfortable you feel with showing them. I'm not exaggerating at all here - it's not as bad as you think. I haven't had one person ask me about them. You can see them on my arms and legs. No one has. And even if someone does, who cares? It's none of their damn business!!

Stay strong, hun, and I hope everything works out for you
Kayla