5 replies to this topic

[anonymoose]

I've been a member here for a long time. Every now and then, I find myself coming back here when I'm at my worst. I'm a selfish prick. I never help anyone else. But this is how I always know I'm about to relapse. I come here out of desperation, out of habit. I'm at three months SI free now, a personal best for me over the past seven years. But I'm so close to losing all the work. I've been doing so well. I feel the urges come at times and I let them go. But something about this time is different. I just can't shake the intrusive thoughts. I feel like if I don't SI I'll do something even worse. I've been so happy lately about moving out of my parent's house, getting a job, and school starting back, but I know as soon as I try to reach out to anyone I know, they'll claim these are the very things that caused me to feel the way I do right now. I don't know what I'm looking for here. I'm sorry that I'm selfish and I'm sorry that I'm not making any sense.

sorry

[rainyluv]

You are not selfish at all. We all come to this site for many different reasons. Not everyone here is there to help. If you need someone to talk to im online at least 2 a day so feel free to add me as a friend and PM me. Try to stay safe 3 months free is awesome good job

[NessMonster]

You aren't selfish, when you need support its ok to recieve it, and when you feel like you can offer support to others thats ok too.

I understand what you mean about life events changing for the better, but feeling worse, but everyone presuming that the reason I feel worse is because of all the
change. Did that make sense?

Somethings off balance...maybe it could be that all these good things are happening and you afraid that they could fall apart or be taken away from you at any point? Like being ok is something we don't deserve and in a way we hate ourselves for things going right, convincing ourselves that things will go wrong, purely because experience has taught us that it will?

Thats one possibility.

What I would suggest doing is stripping everything back. All the life factors and identify the key emotions that the most intense right now and look at each of them separately. In terms of having someone to talk this out with, we are always here for you, and if you can find some in your life that you think will understand this then it might be reaching out to them which will help as well.

[sunspots_on_raindrops]

i know i've seen you around in the past, and trust me when i say this your being in distractions and keeping those threads going helps. it gives people another distraction.


i also come here on and off these days and i used to come here religously for close to almost 4 years

i try my best to help out, little things like encouragement or ven just little opinons from my personal experiences.


help doesn't always mean coming to the self injury board.

you may not have realized it but you may have helped somebody to laugh or feel a little better for that moment without even trying.

i also hope you can stay as strong as you can be and i hope you can get through this.


i'll be checking my SH alot more so if you ever need to talk just send me a pm i'll answer i promise.

[anonymoose]

You are not selfish at all. We all come to this site for many different reasons. Not everyone here is there to help. If you need someone to talk to im online at least 2 a day so feel free to add me as a friend and PM me. Try to stay safe 3 months free is awesome good job

Thank you. It's been pretty hard to get this far, but I feel good about it now.

You aren't selfish, when you need support its ok to recieve it, and when you feel like you can offer support to others thats ok too.

I understand what you mean about life events changing for the better, but feeling worse, but everyone presuming that the reason I feel worse is because of all the
change. Did that make sense?

Somethings off balance...maybe it could be that all these good things are happening and you afraid that they could fall apart or be taken away from you at any point? Like being ok is something we don't deserve and in a way we hate ourselves for things going right, convincing ourselves that things will go wrong, purely because experience has taught us that it will?

Thats one possibility.

What I would suggest doing is stripping everything back. All the life factors and identify the key emotions that the most intense right now and look at each of them separately. In terms of having someone to talk this out with, we are always here for you, and if you can find some in your life that you think will understand this then it might be reaching out to them which will help as well.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm completely terrified that I'm going to end up going into a psychotic episode and my new roommates will finally see the real me. As happy as I am here, I'm so afraid of them seeing what a spaz I can be.

i know i've seen you around in the past, and trust me when i say this your being in distractions and keeping those threads going helps. it gives people another distraction.


i also come here on and off these days and i used to come here religously for close to almost 4 years

i try my best to help out, little things like encouragement or ven just little opinons from my personal experiences.


help doesn't always mean coming to the self injury board.

you may not have realized it but you may have helped somebody to laugh or feel a little better for that moment without even trying.

i also hope you can stay as strong as you can be and i hope you can get through this.


i'll be checking my SH alot more so if you ever need to talk just send me a pm i'll answer i promise.

Thank you, I don't know if what you said is true, but I would feel very good to know that I've helped someone else.


Thanks to all three of you. I've actually made it to now without doing any real harm other than the ages old rubber band trick. I've come under some extreme stress the past few days but I'm still surviving, and that's what's important.

[NessMonster]

Sometimes it being able to survive in the present in all we can do. Keep hanging in there.