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I really don't even want to be posting this.....
Today I got called down to the crisis counselor at my school. I wont go into a ton of details, but way back in november I asked for counseling for varied reasons. They were in the process of getting a new counselor, so I kind of just forgot about it, but now the new one is here. I met her today for the first time. I don't know if I had anxiety or just nerves, but I could barely walk to her office. I was all shakey, my legs felt like spaghetti, and it felt like there was this burning pit of nothingness in my stomach. It might have been because I was dumb this weekwend and decided to cut on my arm.....but anywho she was nice and talked a lot, which I didn't mind because I hate talking, though it did get awkward because I also hate looking into peoples eyes. Basically my problem is I can either take this opportunity to get help for my SI, or not. She already knows I am depressed and brought up that my apathy might be a problem. I already feel like I am lying to her, I said I had no suicidal thoughts and that I was just depressed because of school. I just don't know what I want, I am scared of change......but I do want my life back. Plus I don't know if I can open up to her, I get too nervous and just start saying whatever I can to get out.
Am I just being pessimistic? Should I try with this? I need opinions.....
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MultiQuote
Posted 08 February 2010 - 11:55 PM
