Past Sexual Abuse Random Thoughts Iam just going to rant and let things out
#1
Posted 01 July 2009 - 04:00 PM
I have two cousins that are not even a year younger than me and they would have full blown sex with me from four years old until i was sixteen. can you believe that he would fuck me at sixteen and i was to much of a coward to tell my parents my friends. I thought i was pregnant a few times but am i so horrid that when he would come over i would want it. not all the time but i did. iam a monster to want to have that. and now i cant even have sex with my wife. I cant even finger myself because i think of how discusting i am for wanting the things they did.i dont know how to deal with it or how to get past it. I say that i am okay and i feel okay but when it comes to sex and it come to something penetrating me i get so scared and i want to cay and i tense us but iam wet and i want it but i physically cant do it.
whats wrong with me? I let so many different people sexually do things to me my whole life but i can sleep with my wife. And i want sex all the time iam horny all the time. the smallest things set me off.
iam jumping all over in my thoughts but i lost my varginity when i was four. My two cuzs slept with me until sixteen. Mickey did his thing from 5 until 8.In first grade i let a boy put his hand in my pants and play with me everyday in class. i dont remember his namebut i remember his face and his blonde hair. than again in high school another boy stuck his hand in my pants and i actually went to the office and told and my parents came and let the boy go didnt press charges didnt anything i had to see him everyday and i had his friends beat me up all the time for telling on him.But ive never been raped so i dont know why its so hard for me to have sex. I know i want it i want it badly but i cant. what is wrong with me what do i do?
I know its alot and its so jumbled but i need some help some advice. please
#2
Posted 01 July 2009 - 08:19 PM
#3
Posted 01 July 2009 - 08:45 PM
This post has been edited by Allison Wonderland: 01 July 2009 - 08:47 PM
#4
Posted 01 July 2009 - 09:30 PM
#5
Posted 01 July 2009 - 11:30 PM
#6
Posted 02 July 2009 - 07:03 PM
#7
Posted 02 July 2009 - 07:06 PM
#8
Posted 02 July 2009 - 07:30 PM
#9
Posted 02 July 2009 - 08:32 PM
#10
Posted 03 July 2009 - 04:24 AM

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